more to suggest that has been covered a bit and that is that I think it's important to use this time as a time to discover new things about yourself and work on some stuff that you haven't been able to because you haven't had time. My PN did a massive chunk of redefining himself and working on his self esteem. He took it on and is a changed man because of it. This was his way of dealing with the change in our dynamic and the change in the structure of time and our relationship. It worked wonders for him... is there something you could be doing? Perhaps even request time to go and do it? After all, you are owed a few babysitting times by your wife no
The idea of slowing down I think is a good one. Often it is suggested to go at the pace of the one who is struggling the most and perhaps that is what you need now. A slower pace.
It sounds like you are feeling rather out of control on this and that is okay and normal. Take a breath for a sec and do some research on here on your own and with your wife. It might help you feel more like you are not going crazy. There is a thread on poly lessons learned that might be helpful (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2858