Ready to Give Up
Me and my wife of 9 years (together 11) decided to open up our marriage a couple months ago. I thoroughly prepared myself for the sexual side of the equation and thought I had prepared myself the emotional one as well.
About a month ago my wife met a guy on OkCupid and they got pretty serious very quick. I discovered I wasn't at all prepared for how quickly they developed feelings for each other and started running repeatedly through an emotional roller coaster. Last week I finally acknowledged the most serious emotion as being jealousy - which surprised me since it's something I've never felt before.
Yesterday they went on their 4th date and it pretty much destroyed me. I held my own for about 6 hours of an 8+ hour date, but I finally let me emotions get the best of me and texted my wife that I didn't want to do this anymore. She's pretty much devastated (which is hurting me twofold because I don't want to see her hurt *and* I don't want to see her hurt like that over another man).
Once she got home I calmed down enough to at least commit to her, myself, and her boyfriend that I don't want to close the door, but I'm not sure I want to keep it open either. I acknowledge that these feelings of jealousy are mine to manage (and should despite it all), but since I haven't met nobody in 2 months I've become frustrated and am not sure I even want it for myself anymore anyway (that feeling is independent of the jealousy, but it's one more reason why I don't want to try anymore).
I'm so confused about what I feel because my rational self says I can do this, but my emotional self clearly disagrees. I don't want my wife to hurt because of me, but I don't want to hurt because I can't stand seeing her care for somebody else so much. I don't like giving up on things, but I'm very tempted.
I'm afraid that despite my decision that I've ruined everything because if we do continue she'll never trust me to not have a breakdown again and if we don't she'll never forgive me for hurting her so bad - or worse - will never get over her boyfriend.
Last edited by ChlkDstTtr; 10-11-2010 at 03:33 PM.