Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
If the husband told the other woman that he and his wife are poly and he's not looking to leave her, then he's dealing with her in an ethical fashion. The other woman may be a cowgirl or may simply be clueless--it's too early to tell.
Now, I expect any woman I'm dating to meet my wife early on, even if it's only via email or texting or a short phone call. I expect that just to head off the cowgirls before they leave the corral. I don't do it because I think it's the most ethical approach--I just don't want to spend more time figuring out if she's a cowgirl.
It's perfectly ethical to spend time seeing the woman without her meeting the wife. He's informed the woman of the poly nature of his marriage and there's no reason to push things in an attempt to be certain she isn't a cowgirl. He's already been open and is dealing with her just fine on that issue.
The only person I've met that my husband has dated, I knew before hand. There are a few others I never met nor asked to meet.
The person my husband has met that I've been dating; a meeting was offered and he said he would feel better if he did meet my husband. So I'm perfectly willing to admit I don't know what is best in all situations.
I agree too that one doesn't need to force a meeting immediately or even in every instance. But if you're seeing someone who is throwing off all the signs of what you want to avoid, wouldn't a meeting, chat, whatever be a great way to go about sussing it out?