Wow, everybody, thanks for the thoughtful replies! It's very reassuring to know that I'm not crazy and that other people feel the same way, even if it feels like I am being weird.
Superjast, that's pretty much what I feel like, like I haven't had enough of my own time yet.
Mewtastic, I looked at your other posts, and it does appear that we have a lot in common... I'm in the South, though, you're lucky to be in CA, I visit there pretty regularly and I love it! PM me if you want to chat
Things are a bit better for now, I will keep posting here if other stuff comes up, y'all are super-helpful.