Originally Posted by Vinccenzo
She feels it is more ethical if her husband told the woman that they can not continue till she meets his wife and sees for herself that they are very committed. But her husband isn't wanting to push this. He would prefer to wait it out and if she gets to be a hassle, THEN he will just end things.
If the husband told the other woman that he and his wife are poly and he's not looking to leave her, then he's dealing with her in an ethical fashion. The other woman may be a cowgirl or may simply be clueless--it's too early to tell.
Now, I expect any woman I'm dating to meet my wife early on, even if it's only via email or texting or a short phone call. I expect that just to head off the cowgirls before they leave the corral. I don't do it because I think it's the most ethical approach--I just don't want to spend more time figuring out if she's a cowgirl.
It's perfectly ethical to spend time seeing the woman without her meeting the wife. He's informed the woman of the poly nature of his marriage and there's no reason to push things in an attempt to be certain she isn't a cowgirl. He's already been open and is dealing with her just fine on that issue.