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Old 10-10-2010, 07:57 PM
new2poly new2poly is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 15

Originally Posted by River View Post
As I re-read what I posted above I realized that the phrase "non-sexual passionate love" may ring more than a little weird in some ears. "What the hell could THAT mean?!" But it's clear to me that not all passionately loving relationships have a strong (or any) sexual/erotic focus. (I chose "focus" because I couldn't immediately think of another appropriate word.) ... And so I guess I only go so far with Freud on even this matter. He thought sexual eros was the root of all desire for intense intimacy or closeness. I rather doubt it's quite that simple. Even the term "eros" needn't necessarily refer to sexual desire.

Eros is mainly about passionate desire and/or bonding. It's at the core of all loving in some form or another, sexual or otherwise. Certainly it was there in our relationship with our parents, however healthy or distorted. Anyway, all friendships which are genuinely loving have some passion, some eros. And that's a good thing. If you ask me. But poor Eros has long been misunderstood and underappreciated in our culture. Especially in M-M relationships--friendship or otherwise. Straight men are often terrified of their desire for loving intimacy with men/guys! We're taught that. And not getting the message is to dance with a taboo.
I'm glad to "hear" someone voice this, "non-sexual passionate love". I love my BF, my primary, who is a gay man. I have long felt that physical affection is often mistook for something it isn't. I love to touch him, hold his hands, kiss him sweetly, lay in his arms, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with him. Lots of my friends just think I'm lying about it, that I secretly want to 'change' him, but... I just don't. I love him, just as he is, and more importantly I respect him. Sex is off the table, I just accept that and because of that I am able to be me with him, warts and all. I don't have to impress him to make him "want" me.

I am now opening myself to the fact that different people can fulfill different needs. If my needs turn sexual, I can find someone to satisfy that...right now it's not necessary.
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