Originally Posted by abhainn
Well, hello everyone.
I've come to be in a poly relationship purely by chance, by starting to see a man who has always been non-monogamous and who has a prime partner who is a male - I think of myself as a lesbian and this adds to the confusion.
It has been eye, and heart opening from the start and I've done some soul searching about my past relationships, as well as this present one. I've held back falling in love with him, not knowing what his emotional involvement is (going to be). I have fallen in love, though, and with each step deeper into it, have had a wave of heart ache over his other lovers, and each time it has resolved and I've steadied myself feeling comfortable about myself, about him, about them.
It's quite a learning curve and I've avoided the urge to read up too much about poly because it seems more important to begin to understand it through myself, through my own reactions and responses. To my great surprise this has created a lot of freedom in my life in that I feel more powerful having the choice to decide how I feel, or rather, to deal with how I feel, instead of just following the pattern of jealousy and possessiveness that is the norm in a 'traditional' relationship.
So far so good, even if sometimes difficult and complicated. I was really happy to find this forum to find people and stories I can relate to and find advice for when things are less simple
First of all, *BIG HUGS*
I am in a situation where my Primary identifies as gay and live with a man in a committed relationship. I am female and identify as straight. We make a very comfortable Vee. I am not jealous over his partner. I too held back from falling in love with him (mostly because he is abstinent), but I realized I was only denying myself all the good things that were there for me.
I wish you luck. Soul searching is good for you!