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Old 10-08-2010, 03:02 PM
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polypuzzle polypuzzle is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 3
Default thank you

thank you for your advice:
I was short and pretty vague.
Throughout my dating life pre-marriage, I always felt very taboo about dating more than one at a time. Yet, opening my heart and loving more than one person was never difficult. I love to embrace people for whom they are and the chemistry that exists between us. There really is no equivalent to either one or the other. Each relationship was unique and special. I always hated being asked to choose; that it had to be "all or nothing" or black and white"

This big heart feels almost like a curse. My tendency to love easily and intensely does not diminish. It's like a mother's love... or a father's love, when you have more than one child and you think how could you love the second just as much as the first.. without dividing up your love..

then you learn you are captivated all the same, no more no less.. Enjoying this love, this life, this gift.

I met my husband when I was 19. I had initially brought up the idea of having a woman with my husband and me before we were married. (I had known I was bisexual since I was an young teen.) At the time, he immediately said "no way, no how" Nine years later and many layers of depth added into our life, he is open to the idea of me pursuing a relationship with another woman. I am also very interested in him having another woman if that is what he would like in the proper time. I will add that finding a woman who is aware and accepting of the many facets of my life and the responsibilities and obligations is very difficult.

my poly ways, however, do not end with wanting a woman in our lives, but I long for the day that I could establish another committed relationship with a very close male friend of mine. I could potentially see myself comfortably entwined in more than one close relationship.

When I am poly-wired, I feel as though I will never be truly happy and fulfilled in a mono marriage.
He has told me recently that if I even wanted another man that's it, he would just be done with me. He allows no talk on the subject. He just shuts down.
Then he gets defensive saying I would destroy the family, destroy him for another man.. so I could have my cake and eat it too...
I was never the one to say it would have to end. That was him.
I don't push it.. I don't even talk about it. He doesn't want to hear it.. He said I would have to choose. I don't want to leave my husband. I chose to marry this man.. young as I may have been I chose him to be the father of my children. I appreciate my husband for being the man he is. his integrity, his self-assurance his moral fiber.. I chose him to be the father of my children because those of traits in him; in a man-a leader... and for so much more.

I need advice of how you bring this subject up to someone who shuts down at the very thought of me being with another man. I am willing to take it day by day.. I am left few choices as I don't feel getting divorced over this desire is acceptable.

I want to exercise tact, and wisdom. I love my husband I don't want to destroy him. I don't want to destroy our unit. I am looking for insight and personal experience in this matter. I don't have anyone to vent to about this as not many understand and that is what brought me to this site.
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