affairs are easier even if they are more dishonest and destructive. It sounds like she can't be bothered with the wife. Is she having an affair on a partner? Or is she used to affairs and doesn't get poly? Some people are unable to continue if they know a persons SO because they have an idea then of the real life they have, rather than the fantasy that has been built around their meet ups.
Really if the woman is okay with it and not cut up about it then why not carry on the way things are going. If she is really hurt and jealous then I don't see why she can't insist or just contact the woman herself to see if she can meet her... telling the husband she is going to first of course. I bet he will be all over it if she says she is going to do that and his reasons behind them not meeting will be revealed.
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