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Old 10-07-2010, 08:24 PM
Propast Propast is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 20

Other than some adjustments for your comfort to make, this looks like a good thing for you all. Some thoughts:

Originally Posted by notalwaysez View Post
One of the things I am noticing about myself, is after 3 or 4 days of her being here - I am missing mine and my partner's impromptu private moments and I start emotionally shutting down. I don't like this about me.

yet - the other night, my partner in bed with me, NM in her own bed - he reached for me in this private intimate way he and I share - and I withdrew, for I knew - it was no longer a private situation. NM was there, in the room.

That does sound a little tough, I can see why you worry. The feeling of always being observed? Never having completely 'private' space with your partner? I also get a little edgy when I'm around our 3rd too many days in a row, just because I don't feel I can get my regular mental downtime. I can also imagine the loss of those shared partner moments is hard.

Respect that, make sure you build in space. It isn't 'rejecting' of anyone, just an acknowledgement of the needs. Maybe just schedule in evenings when one person will be away and you have the house to yourself? That works for us to openly schedule our needed times together and apart. Or Neon's popular one:

Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
You each get your own suite, and the fourth suite belongs to the three of you collectively.
Three friend of mine did nearly exactly this and it was quite successful. Of course they weren't 'master suites', just small bedrooms. Therefore each had private space for their stuff and their private moments and if they wanted to sleep alone. Anyone wanted to sleep together or *ahem* 'cuddle' would sleep in the shared room. Generally two of them stuck to the shared room and the third would join or leave as she saw fit, but it could fluctuate however everyone felt.

It sounds like this isn't what you really want though, at the moment you and your partner want to stay together in the same bed all the time? Still, might be good idea to set it up as described above and establish the precedent that it's totally fine for anyone to shelter in their private space - someday when you decide it sounds like a nice idea, it's there for you.
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