Originally Posted by redpepper
I find it difficult to understand what she would see as the advantage, knowing my PN's struggles to have enough time with me.
I can understand it, actually. I feel the same about my husband. I want him to get more that what I alone can bring to him, and I want an "accomplice" to share things with, to plan surprises, to organise things together, etc.
But in my case, I just wouldn't be able to be mono, so I guess that's the part I have more trouble "getting".
JP, what if you met a woman who felt the same way, but who was already married? Say, a mirror version of your own situation. The man isn't interested in other relationships, the woman is, the man wants her to have another man, etc.
And they want to be one big family. Not "she joins your family but has someone on the side" but "they both join your family". You'd all raise all kids together, and so on.
Does that seem bad to you as well? I'm asking because I'm thinking maybe it's the question of "outsiders" that is a problem, but what if the other man was not an outsider? What if he became part of the family as well? Your wife and he would have things in common, being the mono ones. You would share a wife with him and therefore have that same "accomplice" relationship I was referring to earlier.
Would that possibly work?
Of course you can't really plan ahead. As RP said, what happens is just unpredictable, you meet someone, they have their own "luggage", their own expectations, you often have to rethink your rules or boundaries to accommodate everyone. But I find it can be helpful to think about various situation and wonder how you would feel about them, because this way if you encounter them down the road you are more prepared.