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Old 10-07-2010, 04:06 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373
Default A woman reached out to me

She saw me on a dating site and began asking me how things were working for us. I shared with her this site but she is still asking me for advise for something her and her partner are dealing with. I'm so new to all this that I'm wary about advising her too much. But her problem is one that would have me in fits. And I've sent her a link to this site but so far she hasn't come here.

She is bi, and that is why they decided to open up their relationship. I guess in the interest of fairness, he was given the right to see other women.
Prior to their decision, her husband had a female co-worker that this woman felt had a thing for her husband. Before their decision to be open, this woman validated her concern by making a move on her husband without any awareness of him having his by and leave to do anything about it.
Once things opened up, this is the exact person her husband went after. He has been up front with this woman concerning that he is not going to leave his wife, and that she should meet his wife. She doesn't want to. She also makes comments like "if I were your wife, I'd never share you".

The wife tells me she is worried about what will come from allowing this woman to continue to build this fantasy where she is assuming their relationship style indicates that this guy isn't cared for and could be pulled. She feels it is more ethical if her husband told the woman that they can not continue till she meets his wife and sees for herself that they are very committed. But her husband isn't wanting to push this. He would prefer to wait it out and if she gets to be a hassle, THEN he will just end things.

I'm struggling to convey my thoughts to her on this. It sounds to me like he isn't treating this woman ethically. The woman he is seeing doesn't seem like a good choice. And what they are having seems much more like an affair since the woman wanted an affair to begin with and the husband isn't considering his wife's feelings or comfort level on how to handle it. What could/should be done here? She says she is willing to try to be friends with this woman but the longer it goes on that way it is, the less inclined she is to see this woman as a potential friend.
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