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Old 10-07-2010, 07:35 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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I don't mean poly sites I mean POLYGAMY sites. I wondered if you had done any reading there? if there is one?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlpanian View Post
We have also discussed that another woman with similar caring/nurturing characteristics would fit in well with what we have already.
I would be very careful how you view this. This woman wouldn't be coming in to your relationship and fitting in... she would be her own woman and would change everything you know about your wife, yourself and the relationship you have right now. It will all change. It will be a relationship of the three of you not two... in this way a triad is created around emotions and needs and general everyday life stuff. Be careful that you don't see this new woman as a puppy dog that you will train and have expectations of and assumptions about how she should be. Because she won't be what you want her to be, she will be herself and will struggle as you both will. Its growing pains.

It sounds like you have kids... I am going to assume that you have more than one... she will be like bringing an adopted adult home. Only she will be free to come and go and do as she pleases... there is no control and no way that she would sit on the couch and just be.

I think this is where reading on unicorns might be helpful. Quite often couples seem to get stuck on the idea that a new person in their life will create a mind melt between everyone. Actually more people added creates more independent thought, because it is virtually impossible to have a mind melt with more than two for any length of time. People who are mind melted and looking for another can't seem to grasp sometimes that they will be forced to become independent from one another or end the relationship if its too uncomfortable.

Some people love the mind melt thing and quite often they are the ones that are monogamous. go monogamy. It's great in NRE to mind melt but doesn't really last in poly... in mono relationships it can last a life time.
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