I find that my partners' interests are definitely not "independent" or "having nothing to do with me". I'm totally involved, from the courtship part and I assume I would later on as well. I can be a control freak too, but it's all part of the same big network, to me.
Me: 31F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 32M, straight
Dragon: My boyfriend, 29M, pansexual, married to Fox
Fox: My boyfriend, 29M, homoflexible, married to Dragon