Hourglass - SoCal
22 yr old female here. Have been exposed to poly friends for 5 years, the first being a triad/vee with a female pivot and her two male s.os. "Wow, I bet thats great" was all I thought but never really thought it was for me. As time has gone by, I found I knew more and more poly people, including an ex boyfriend, D, whom with I have stayed close and had intermitent "flings" with over the last 5 years.
Currently seeing (and living with) J for the last 2 yrs. When we meet I was in an open poly relationship with S. Since my relationship with J was primarily physical for the first 4/5 months, he says he "tolerated" my relationship with S. After S and I stopped seeing each other, J and I fell in love, big time. I got starry-eyed and the NRE was intoxicating.
J and I are two different ends of the spectrum. He is extremely shy and introverted and prefers to be home smoking pot and playing video games (he's 27). I love to be out dancing, or going on adventures, attending S&M events, and dressing up in costumes if the occasion calls for it!
I gave up my clubbing routine and tried to "settle down" but its starting to feel like Im just settling.
S came to town to visit and insisted I go out dancing with him. I went. J had no problems with me going, even helped me get ready to go, he's sweet like that. That night S introduced me to G. Wow, just wow.
We have this chemistry that is amazing. We danced till we were blue in the face. Numbers were exchanged. Spent the next week texting and emailing each other, connecting even more.
I agreed to meet him for dinner the next week before we went to the club for another night of dancing. A part of me was hoping that connection wouldnt be as real in person as it seemed digitally. No such luck.
G is one of the smartest, sweetest person I have ever met. G refuses to even kiss me until I talk to J and see if he would be open to us going back to poly, which shows a respect and maturity that makes me like G even more.
J is not too happy about it. I am trying to use the poly wisdom I've read from this and other sites; its not about better or not enough. I love what we have, And (not but) I could love what I might have with G.
J has agreed that I can keep seeing G on a "club and events" basis, since he knows I love those things and he hates them. And that he will do some research on being poly. I wish I could say he would have a poly relationship of his own, but his shyness makes that probability extremely low.
Since I told him what I was feeling, I feel like I love J even more, though Im still not sure if mono is my only option with J that I can stay, and miss what might be with G.
Better sorry than safe.