Fast Forward to today:
Have been with L for about 2 months, been married to M for about 4 years and things are great. We have gone through a bit of drama.... Accidentally got very drunk and said some things that made most of our close group question our marriage, or at least were curious about it.... It was kind of a PR nightmare but it is alll good
We ended up explaining our current situation, why (but not who) to the hosts whom we are very good friends with. My friend's husband decided he wanted to be non sexual (except cuddling?) movie buddies with me and quickly declared he was poly. We went on one movie "date" but I am not really sure I have time for all that. I have some issues with how he has treated his wife in this situation, and as I am friends with both it ended up for a while I was the wife's best friend and counselor, and also the girl her husband went to movies with. He quickly started using the label poly to ditch her, which made me feel terrible. I don't really know if he is or is not poly. He seems to only want to have friendships but at the same time i think he is just saying that to gauge the water with his wife and has asked me many questions to suggest otherwise- such as, oh do you just have a physical relationship with your boyfriend or emotional as well (to which I replied, dude its called polyamory not poly fuck whoever I want)
That is a whole other story for another time but since they have been married for almost 9 years I have encouraged that they start to have some open, caring and thoughtful conversations. I am still close with his wife but for now have put aside the option for even being movie buddies since I am just concerned.... hmmm
Also after several talks and about two weeks of trying(obviously its not toally figured out) it seems that M needs much less time and affection to feel loved, wanted and needed as he has other things that he enjoys doing which fill that need for him and L needs more, so they are basically both my primaries if you want to label them.
At this time I have had a lot of things happen- non relationship related but all I can say is even with the drama, all the added talks, effort, crying, happiness everything I don't think I have ever felt so happy or true to myself in my entire life, and that is a wonderful thing!