Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sage. I came into an existing poly relationship. I told our guy that I did NOT want to be a secondary. He said he didn't want me to be one either. This sleeping situation came up for the first time the other night. Prior to that he had been trading off nights, e.g., every other night sleeping with one of us, unless she was working a night shift, in which case he might end up sleeping with me two nights in a row. So, it took me by a painful and unpleasant surprise when he switched up on that "pattern"...which I had been quite comfortable with and accepting of. All of a sudden I felt pretty insecure. I guess I want my partner sleeping with me because he wants to....not because he feels like he has to. But, I'm not sure I want to have to deal with the issue of wondering whether he'll want to be with me on any given night. I think it may be time for another discussion of the issue with him. I was so hurt/upset the other night that I don't think I communicated my feelings very well to him. That damn communication stuff again!