I have no problems asking my dearest friend and extended friends why they feel this way. My best friend, was was his partner is the person who let me know this wasn't acceptable. He actually died of Aids years ago. I do know that he was taunted in small southern town by the word queer, more then fag or anything else. So that was his reason. We traveled extensively for business often staying as long as 3 months or more so we were very close. As for my dearest friend, I will ask him. When I go home (hometown home I will ask him and extended friends) they have a huge party christmas night and I am often with my husband the only straight people there. So I can ask then as well.
As for this ass who called me these names, he thinks polyamory means multiple relationships without feelings. He is a Dom, who previously told me he was into public humilation or private humilation. So I chose to ignore him instead of playing his game. Actually I was offended, however I also know it is his issue and not mine.