Thread: Help !!!
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Old 10-05-2010, 10:17 PM
Prophesy Prophesy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Hey Guys,

Thank you for your kind words. In some way, you have helped…

Over the past 24 hours, I have come to the conclusion that – just because I enjoyed a open relationship with my partner in the past – doesn’t make me polly! I have just been sucked into this world by chance…

Yes – they have love for each other, but I don’t have love for Ben – I like this guy as a friend, but love – real deep meaningful feelings are not there for him…
So now that I have made this clarification I can move forward.

In my head, I am saying – congratulations for giving it a go Greg. Congratulations for being open minded… but in the end, this life style doesn’t work for me. I know this, because I can’t stand displays of affection between them – just makes me uncomfortable and annoyed…

Great! Now I have a new problem… how do I approach this? I mean, Nanda is going to get hurt in the end… I know this, because I am not prepared to live in this 3way forever… I feel like their relationship is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode – these feeling I have are going to rear their ugly head sooner or later…

Ok the other thing I left out of my OP – is my other stupid behaviour… I don’t think I have been happy about their relationship from the start – the real problem here has been created by me. I have been hiding being drugs (pot) – it has been such an easy way to escape the reality of the situation… as it stands today – I am more addicted to pot than I have ever been at any point in the past!!

Deep deep down, I know I have been running from these feelings – I guess I have reached breaking point, and I am starting to approach these feelings head on – which has just caused my mood to be nothing less than despicable for at least the last two weeks…

I am working on getting off the pot – so I can approach what feel is a significant life event, with a clear mind. Last night was the first night I havnt smoked it in about 8 months… I couldn’t sleep!!! I have had about 3 hours of sleep all up.. .yay for me…

The other thing that could be compounding these issues is, I have a real problem with living with other people. Just getting use to their little sub conscious living habits, such as leaving windows open, not cleaning up after them selves – just stupid crap like that… but when I get an annoyance from some stupid thing ben does – almost automatically – my brain links it back to “FUCKING NANDA AND BEN AND THEIR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP” – so I guess I have some deep buried feelings of resentment towards Ben for you know – just being Ben… I know this is completely unfair to Ben – but how am I meant to change what I feel? Sorry, but there are deep emotional issues there that I don’t even understand… so I guess they just spew out in the form of frustration…

The other OTHER thing, is I guess I view Ben as a very self centred arrogant person.. don’t get me wrong, he can be a great person, and he is capable for many wonderful things – but I think fundamentally he always puts himself first… but he would be the last person to admit that… His actions suggest that he only really thinks of himself.

Anyway – things don’t change over night, and I still hate typing… so if you have read this far I thankyou. The fact that you are reading this means you are interested in other peoples lives and problems… If we all lived for other people, the world would be a different place.

So thanks again for your kind words… I guess I will keep this thread updated depending on how this pans out…

I have two choices.
1. Keep the peace, smoke pot – and just let everyone live.
2. Deal with the issues, get off the pot – and cause a whole lot of chaos in my life.
I don’t want to go through option 2 – but option 1, will just cause stagnation in my life, and as you all know humans are expanding beings and stagnation is intolerable..
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