Originally Posted by Ambergris
Thank you for the answers.
It's not like I'm setting it up as an ultimate goal, it's just it seems that other kinds of experience turned out to be... not very satisfying.
I thought hard about why and I realized two things:
1) I won't ever be happy as a unicorn or something like that (yes, I went and learned some terms, too
) because being a secondary partner in a structured poly relationship drives me crazy. Been there, done that. It's not so much about attention but that I feel like the gamma of the pack.
Not powerful enough, not enough of a decision-maker.
2) I also feel uncomfortable when my partners form important connections with other people without me participating in them (and sometimes even without me meeting those people). I guess I'm a bit of a control freak. I'm fine with group experiences or with having multiple relationships of my own, but the idea of my partners having an "independent" connection that has absolutely nothing to do with me... not sure I'd be able to be comfortable with that for an extended period of time.
Maybe GroundedSpirit is right about the shiver.
Though the classic mono model also turned out to be uncomfortable and restricting.
So I guess I need to do more thinking.
I have very similiar feelings!, with one probably major exception, we are not looking for the Triad, but a simple Vee. Basically its not a three way sexual exchange. More along the lines of polygamy. But a lot of what you say as I read it, rings true for me as well.
There is so much value in EQUALITY amongst everyone. I never liked reading about a primary vs secondary. We want equality amongst members, an equal share to the voting process of life. I cannot expect (nor would I) that I introduce another person into my life, and expect them to share in the wholehearted vesting of emotions, if I did not give them equal rights to the relationship.
now that being said, I know I am also a hypocrite, because equality should also be seen in regards to sex. And I do not think I could handle my ladies sleeping with anyone else but me. Not even with each other, hence the Vee and not the Triad.
Your point #2, almost sounds like you want to have what I want. A Vee relationship with you as the hinge. This part I think I share with you. But like you said, its hard to expect that once pandora's box is open, to be success at closing it back up.
I like you, need to think .... I wish you the best luck, and keep posting, because I want to see where you end up. It just might give me things to think about.