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Old 08-12-2009, 12:01 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649

Thank you, XYZ and Redpepper, for taking time to consider my situation and respond.

Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
He's "all talked out and defensive"? Hmmm.... Sorry hun, but HE did this and HE needs to listen to EVERYTHING you have to say WHENEVER you have to say it if he wants to fix it.
Yeah, that’s what I think too, but the thing is what it is. We haven't even skirted around the issue for days now. It's the elephant in the house. Hubby's been bending over backward to please me and demonstrate his love in a thousand little ways, but he won't address the elephant. Perhaps given time and some space, he will be ready. But there's no point in pushing right now, unless I just want to fight. And I don't. And Star and I have had some long, long, talks. She and I are pretty clear, and are more or less okay, if shaky still in some areas.

Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
A huge amount of compassion and honesty and willingness to be open, supportive, and reassuring is needed for a poly lifestyle to work without jealousy, anger, and resentment.
Yeah! That's what I hear, and those are some of the things I find appealing about poly. Sadly, I’m beginning to conclude that Hubby isn’t ready for the level of communication and attention poly relationships require.

Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
Just approach him in a way that leads to mutual communication and not finger pointing and blame if that's the problem. "I feel" rather than "You did".
I'm trying. Sometimes it hard, but I'm trying. One good thing about living with the elephant is that right now I have all this time to really think about what I want to say when/if Hubby does decide to address it.

Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
I wish you the best of luck. *HUGS*
*HUGS back* Thanks, XYZ.

Last edited by Fidelia; 08-12-2009 at 12:26 AM.
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