Talking about Polyamory to partners
So about 2 years ago I came across polyamory and realized that that described exactly how I felt about relationships and such. I was in a relationship with someone (D) and told them about it. They said that as long as it wasn't another guy (I'm bi) then they had no problem with it.
Fast forward to now. That person and I recently broke up because he had a lot of issues he needed to work on in his life and couldn't do it with me around. I ended up back with an old ex of mine (K). I've been in love with him for 6 years, but we only dated for a few months when we were young, dumb, and ignorant.
These two guys I love with all my heart, and don't think that I could ever not love them. Both of them are aware of the other, but not to the extent that I want to be with them both. I plan on explaining to D the problem that I'm having, because he is actually finally getting his life together after having an extreme wake up call when he realized that I left, and how much he loved me (no I'm not jumping into anything unless he can prove he's changed). I plan on talking to D and reminding him that while we were together my figuring out that a poly relationship was something that I could do, and get his feelings on the subject.
I'm fully aware he might walk away with a big "F U" and then I'll be without him. But I don't think he will.
K, on the other hand, is a complete vanilla. He's not to keen on the idea that I'm bi but lives with it. His family is very Catholic and attached to old German ways. He is very straight, things done in an old fashioned way, and that's it. So I'm really scared to death that if I try and approach him with this situation, he will get pissed and leave (if either of them leave, it will break me). He means everything to me, and I mean everything to him and I don't want to hurt either K or D as I love them both.
So I need some advice on how to approach this subject with him, because I'm at a lost. I mentioned the fact that I'm interested in poly relationships before but that I could try to be monogamous with him and he said ok. He didn't really pay attention to the poly part, because monogamy is really all he knows.
I'm to the point that, if it came down to it, I wouldn't be with either of them and be totally heartbroken just so that I could spare them from being hurt and angry towards me.. and that's not what I want.
Any advice would be great.
As well as if anyone could suggest some good reading materials that I could introduce to them, to explain a little further on what a poly relationship is.