I have an online male friend in a similar situation. Met him on ok cupid, where he was looking for lovers, b/c his wife had also come out as a lesbian. Altho she was "asexual." He had let her have a gf a cpl yrs earlier and she rarely had sex w her either.
So, he had gotten permission to look for sex outside the marriage, as they hadnt had sex in 2 yrs at that point. But as soon as he had a few prospects lined up (including me), his wife got jealous and decided he couldnt have other sex/love partners!
After a few months of him insisting that wasnt fair, she got lustful feelings for him again and they started having sex twice a month. Still not often enough, but she actually seems to enjoy sex w him now. So, since they have a good friendship, 2 sons, and a farm together, he's sticking with this arrangement.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37