Hmm. I'm perhaps even less clear than you are as to whether you are simply wanting/needing deeper general--albeit non-sexual--intimacy with a man or with men ~OR~ whether you are having long repressed romantic-sexual feelings surge into conscious awareness from within the fog of repression.
As you have suggested, a LOT of us guys grew up in an atmosphere of general repression of even so much as non-sexual passionate love -- or even desire for
M-M emotional intimacy/hugs -- of persons of our own gender. This is as much a tragedy for straight men as queer ones. The overwhelming majority of men, as I see it, have been wounded by the popular myths, steriotypes, enculturation, demands... associated with the perverse version of "masculinity". Healing and growing and expanding our capacity for love and joy necessarily involves addressing this wound. And so one notion I have is... Are there any men's groups in your neck of the woods? And if not, might you consider collaborating with appropriate others to form one? There is a worldwide movement meant to address this wound. (And, no, not all "men's groups" are formed with this precise purpose.)