Just posting that intro took some doing! Your observations were most welcome. I often wish I had someone to talk with who gets the idea. Only please don't ignore that I said it was almost
irrelevant. That's because I'm relating in two differing CONTEXTS at the same time. In my personal life, it's nowhere near irrelevant, because I do love her deeply and have high hopes. On a more general spiritual level, I love both her and my friend deeply and will gladly settle for bringing more happiness and value into their lives, with or without any sexual contact. I'm actually quite spiritual, and I guess I'm trying both to move towards the results I want AND to preserve and maintain my own self esteem in the long run.
I'm what's usually called "fully compensated." But that doesn't change my old modes of thought. This summer I finally got a clue that I was unfairly blaming myself for having problems in today's society, and that I can indeed function in this realm also. Then the thought hit me "Now I'm 65 f***king years old, and I could die
without ever having the love I want!" Now THAT was scary! So instead, I decided to change how I am interacting with people. Talk about your roller-coaster rides!