SJ has had some good things to suggest here. I wanted to reiterate to you the importance of being a really good friend to her at this point and nothing more. She sounds very fragile and vulnerable at the moment and may be confusing the need for a good friend to stand by her while she makes some major changes in her life, with someone that will rescue her from her issue ridden relationship and life by taking her on as a lover. Very different from each other. If this were me I would encourage her to stand on her own two feet and make some changes. That way she will be proud of who she is and a strong woman for those kids rather than feeling like she whimped out and didn't do the work herself but got others to do it for her. Her independence is vital I think if you want to have a hope in hell of having a loving, lasting relationship with her. Assuming that is what you want of course.
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