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Old 09-28-2010, 07:11 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 883

Welcome to the board.

Firstly, I am impressed. How you are handling things, speaks volumes.

Lots of people do not come into poly, looking to BE poly. They are more or less, in a situation where they just happened to find themselves in love with two people. If one of those people left, they would not ever actively seek poly via-dating. Poly hits us all at different levels, in different ways.

You and Adam sound,...awesome. Your openess, and your smart discussions leads me to believe you will make some good decisions. This forum works very well for people like yourself. READ, READ, READ. The more you read, the more you know.

Even if you can`t find what it is you are looking for, you will know what you don`t want !

Ok enough of the fluffy stuff,...let`s cut to the chase.

No matter how smart, well adjusted, open, honest, you and Adam are with this, ..Shit is GOING to hit the fan !. There is NO doubt about it.

Are you prepared for the rollercoaster ? Are you at a spot in your lives, where you think you can reasonably hold on, and see things through ?

Beth (according to info given) has dealt a long time with a ignorant, uncaring, young spouse. A classic case, of marrying to young. She`s bound to go a bit crazy, once (and if) she becomes single.

She is young, and will feel a need to act out for awhile.

She suffers from depression.

She has young children.

You mentioned a family who might give her/you/their son a hard time regarding the children.

Nevermind the drama Caleb could cause. ESPECIALLY because he has known Adam for so long. It`s one thing for your wife to leave you for another guy. It`s entirely another thing, when you know the man.(couple). Even if,...he knows NOTHING about any poly ideas. If Adam helps Beth even as a friend, Caleb will most likely make accusations. Unfotunately that is just life. Be prepared.

The drama will be there. Not only that, but your post gives me a sense, that Beth has not even come close to learning how to find her own autonomy. She might be more 'child-like' to you, or Adam, until she learns how to put on her big girl pants.

Considering your short history together, ( You and Adam haven`t been married that long)...I might otherwise be prompted to tell you to keep things friendly, enjoyable, helpful, but somewhat at arm`s length.

but reading your post,....You two seem to have a good grip on things. It might actually be better, that you don`t have years behind you.

So, all depends on Beth. She is about to face a major life challenge of growth, and intensity, with young children at her side.
She will need her friends.
Will she need more ?
Will she even be able to handle it, if she does ?

What if she does, but it`s just a 'phase' ?
Will Adam and you be able to handle the very real possibility of broken hearts, and knowing the realtionship was not meant to be long term ? That you could help her through, fall in love, enjoy the triad, and she ends up moving on ? Can you enjoy the relationship, for whatever it brings, and not forecast to a solid future ?

The more questions you ask yourself, the more answers you will have.

Good luck.

( Read the site ! Both good and bad stories ! )

Last edited by SourGirl; 09-28-2010 at 07:17 PM.
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