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Old 09-28-2010, 04:18 PM
PeaceNerd PeaceNerd is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Socorro, NM USA
Posts: 5
Exclamation I have a fantasy. No, strike that: I have a dream!

I am a 65 year-old retired straight male electronics/computer professional, who has no real experience in polyamory. But I have a dream of what Franklin Veaux called a "polyfidelitous relationship" with my best (straight male) friend and his lady. I was born with Asperger's syndrome in 1945, and have not only had the traditional autism-spectrum difficulties with interpersonal relationships, but also had a deep desire for a polyamorous relationship and found myself unable to function in today's "serial monogamy" environment (for many reasons.) I presently have no definite incontrovertible evidence to support my belief that this desire is more than just a desire to "get in on my fiend's relationships" because he could get and maintain relationships, while I could not. My friend and I have shared a house for over 4 years, and I was never attracted to any of his other lady friends before. This particular (male) friend has had several relationships during our long-standing friendship, but he has just formed a new one with a lady I do especially connect with, on a very deep level. I don't need to talk about my deepest issues with her; she sees them and responds appropriately. (This sort of connection has NEVER happened before in my life.) But still, I can only label this my "fantasy."

The three of us just survived a crisis I caused, by revealing my feelings to them both. My ability to instantly & effortlessly communicate with her on a deep and meaningful level seemed to provoke intense anxieties in my friend, but his lady FIRST got the reality of my profound desire to help her dreams come true. Since he IS her dream, I'm completely OK with re-enforcing and augmenting her relationship with him. (Gosh, this gets complex to explain!) Then I simply told him the truth; i.e., that I love her AND him and want to be a real and important help to them both. The fact that I'd like to boink her is almost irrelevant. As Franklin emphasized in his polyamory FAQ, it can only be OK if it's OK with EVERYBODY. I expect that helping them settle in and love each other in security, and with confidence will be profoundly rewarding for me. With "conventional" serial monogamy, we see two "teams:" the girls versus the boys. The "battle of the sexes." Everyone is aware off it. That world completely DISGUSTS me. I want to live in a world where we can ALL be on the SAME team. I want a world where we can respect each other and care for each other - and maybe even appreciate each other.

In 1960 I was 15. As an adolescent then, I was strongly reinforced to accept that any desire for sexual pleasure was "wrong" and anti-God, perverse and evil. I had to wait until I got married. How I could relate to women - evidently that was an ability left to develop by magic, of some sort. The net effect of that approach was to deflect my needs and desires to things I felt (at age 10) I could "get away with." That had a net effect of nurturing my own self-contempt and a deep sense of deviancy. I could NEVER wish THAT fate on any innocent child! I see today's slavish "worship" of a conformity with sex roles based on ownership, power, and control as PROFOUNDLY anti-human and a deadly dangerous soul-killer. I dream of a world where children will nevermore be forced into such pre-defined roles or see their bodies projected as "dirty" and any desires they may have for sexual pleasure as deviant. Instead, I want a future where our children are encouraged to value themselves and their partners. I want a world where everyone is important, as a human individual.

Maybe it's best to wrap this up (with words I inadvertently used earlier) by the Reverend Martin Luther King: "I have a dream." I dream of a better world.
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