It sounds like you might just be having terrible luck.
To quote myself from this thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=762
Originally Posted by redpepper
How to get our attention as women? stand out! be positive, present on the site, cheery and have fun!
this is all you can do, that and be the best damned primary to yourself that you can be. THAT is very attractive!