Originally Posted by redpepper
It taught me that saying "yes" meant I was a slut and that I should shut off from my body and saying "no" meant that I should feel guilty or prudish and sex negative. Neither absolute was helpful so I felt trapped.
I don't think "helpful" was quite the word I meant here, but I wrote it quick, knowing I would change stuff later.
neither "yes," or "no" was what I wanted FOR ME. I don't think I know what I want for me to this day. I think I say "no" when I need to with my partners but still feel guilt. I think I say "yes" when I want to also, and don't feel like a slut anymore, because I only say "yes" to people who love me and are my partners. I still need to think about it and process when I am on the verge of no though...
Like swingers, I want to be able to really KNOW when I have crossed over from one to the other and why. I think then is when I will be healed. Very close to getting there I think.
Swingers really seem to have this all together in my mind. not that I would ever swing again, but I have learned from the swingers I know all these "yes" "no" things that I now am working on for myself.
I think it should of been a "yes" means "yes" message sent to young girls rather than "no" means "no" far more empowering. only if there is some discussion around it that is.
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
The swing scene is just very focused...sex. Without sex, there would be no swinging
Mono, I think SJ said above that she hung out with her swinger friends as friends.... not just for sex. They would hang out regardless of sex. Maybe they were not swinging at BBQs with the kiddies, but they still said they were in the lifestyle. So,,,, just so you know, it isn't always focused on sex....
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
I don't really care if people swing or not.
BUT-it REALLY bothers me when people who do swing try to "sell" it to me.
I haven't had this experience in a long time since I became so set that I am poly by my own description. I have had more interest in poly, when I talk about poly with swingers, than them telling me i should come and swing with them. I did from a local woman that thought I might enjoy the swinging women's group, but that is it.
It seems to me there is a cross over for some poly people whereby they swing (ish) and are poly... again, recreation? i dunno, I don't get it and am not really "in" on what goes on, probably because people know I'm not interested and can blow up about it due to my own shit
,,,, sooooo, ya, don't know much about how that works. Just saying it exists and recruiting in terms of letting others know the option exists in terms of offering sex positive experiences.
Sex positive is really about ones own version of their sexuality to me. Trouble is it has to involve others, so, that means that people still have to communicate in someway and get involved with each other, and therefore have something more than a fuck, so, ya, again... struggling, and don't get the appeal.
At least I don't get all passionate about not getting it anymore, maybe that is all I can hope for?