I find it ironic that just as I am coming to a place of acceptance and even understanding about all this Mono, you are going through some stuff. We shall go through it together. I'm so glad you are feeling trusting enough to bring it up here.
As a product of a generation where there was no talk of sexual boundaries and "no" meaning "no," I can say with confidence that I got fucked up.
I've talked about this over and over on various theads, and processed it all out on this forum far more than anything to do with poly, but basically my thoughts are that for me swinging triggers for these above reasons. It reminds me of situations where saying "yes" was easier than saying "no," because I didn't want to feel guilty for enjoying a kiss or flirting. The "no means no" generation never talked about what it meant to say "yes." It taught me that saying "yes" meant I was a slut and that I should shut off from my body and saying "no" meant that I should feel guilty or prudish and sex negative. Neither absolute was helpful so I felt trapped.
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