It's okay, we'll get over it. Just need to be patient and work at it.
I do think your decision not to tell J until we're back was a bad one though. It felt like you kept finding excuses not to tell her, and postponing more and more until now you've decided not to tell her until after we're back.
I really wish you had told her right away, or the next day, at least given her a call before the trip. I really feel it's going to ruin our whole vacation now, that you left everything hanging instead of solving them beforehand. I feel it has started to ruin it already. And I hate that you gave up instead of telling her you liked her. Now she won't have the whole week to make it less awkward, and she'll be much more invested in her new relationship instead of it just being "that guy she just met on a dating site". Even if she would have given you a chance, now it's going to be too late.
On my end, I was very much looking forward to this trip with the two of us, until yesterday.
I was getting closer and closer to Rag again, after we had a hurtful argument (I talk about it in this post
of a blog I've just started) and as I told him I thought we had a great relationship and couldn't wait to spend a week alone with him, he started making hurtful comments again and pushing me away.
Right now I'm feeling like every time I make myself vulnerable for him and take a step towards him, he uses it to hurt me and step back. It makes me feel terrible, because he's acting exactly like my parents used to and that stressed me out extremely. Earlier I went to snuggle him in bed and then had to leave because I was getting worried he would start punching me if he woke up.
I realise it's a silly worry, he'd never hurt me. Yet that's what he's been doing emotionally: I go to snuggle him (telling him how I enjoy his company, that I had a good day, that I'm looking forward to more time together) and he punches me in the face (makes hurtful comments). Then he resents me for avoiding him, but how could I not?
I'm hoping talking about it here will help, as there are many people here I trust, and since we both frequent this forum you will get to hear both sides of the story, too, and we will both be able to read your comments and advice.