Oh dear. I think my earlier crazy shit around swinging might of created this in you perhaps? I used to be so traumatized and hurt by the activities I had done as a swinger and I spent a good deal of time working through that with you Mono. Maybe it has caused some trauma of your own?
I am through that for the most part now. I understand what swinging can mean for a person now. As I understand the meaning of casual sex for people. Simply recreation, nothing more. Some people really feel empowered by that and it is a clean and unfettered experience of being in ones body. Some on the other hand THINK they are experiencing a clean and unfettered experience and are empowered when they are simply shutting themselves off, saying yes to something because its too hard to say no... blah blah blah... in the end damaging the a very fragile place in themselves because they really are not cut out for recreational sex.
Bottom line is that those that are into swinging and it really does give them something positive, are just as valid as we are in not getting something out of swinging and in damaging ourselves by even trying... just cause everyone else is or what ever the reason; pushing ourselves, curiosity, because it is a way to be sex positive that has instant acceptance and is understood as being so.
I find swingers fascinating. I find there is a distinct lack of drama and talk of emotion. Or at least on a level that I am used to
I am used to talking about every little thing and getting through drama in order to understand myself and others. When it comes to partners in this, it intensifies our sex life, and creates passion that is rooted in connection and depth. In swinging there is no bond with another other than the sex that is created and isn't that fantastic. I accept that, but don't understand the draw to that when there could be so much more!
I am watching my swinging friend become a bigger part of our community and am fascinated to see what will happen as she understands more and more the differences. I listened to her talk of her last experience whereby she decided that there would be no prospects on the horizon and that her swinging life has dwindled due to various reasons including it not being what she wants... also for various reasons.. I am so interested to hear what will happen next for her. Will poly be the next venture? Who knows. Will she go back to swinging, is it just a break?
Really though I admire, knowing more about where she comes from than anyone around us i think, that she is asking questions, testing her trust of those around us and exploring options with an open mind. I have a whole new respect for swinging as a result of knowing her. I see her as an accomplished swinger in terms of keeping emotions out of it, achieving a great body that she shares with strangers pretty much and is empowered by that, and keeps her love special for her husband (very mono), who she obviously adores and admires and is proud of in terms of his fucking achievements with others. Yay for her.
I'm really quite impressed!
Mono, I really think that this might be like one of the hurdles to over come. I remember not that long ago that you were in a similar spot with several diverse communities... and how did you get through that? Got to know some people, started to care about them, understood their differences from you in terms of something rather endearing and lovable about them. This is no different. Just another community to accept. No one has to understand a whole community here, just accept the individuals in it as the wonderful people they are, just as is.