Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair
I can see how he wouldn't be comfortable cuddling me in front of his wife (the wife isn't comfortable with that either), but I don't see why he can't even give me a kiss with other people around whom he isn't married to.
You don't have to understand it. He decides if he's comfortable or not and acts accordingly. You can ask for more affection in those situations, certainly, though he determines whether or not he can offer more--and he doesn't have any obligation to explain it beyond indicating comfort or lack thereof. If he can't offer enough affection to meet your needs, and that's a fundamental need for you in relationships, then the two of you are likely not compatible for a close, romantic relationship.
Poly relationships are the same as mono relationships in those regards--nobody gets to dictate changes in behavior for the other(s) involved and if there's a lack of compatibility in key areas, it's best to end the relationship with as little muss and fuss as possible.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.