Originally Posted by phoenix762
I really hope I'm not pulling this off topic...
I usually lurk because I am not poly, but am curious about it, so usually, I really don't have anything to add.
That being said, you were wondering if a woman who was only exposed to a mono lifestyle (this would be me) -if presented with an option to be a poly relationship (I have not, but for the sake of this conversation, let's say I have) decided to accept the poly nature of said relationship NOT because of infatuation with said man, but b/c I have rationally thought it out beforehand.
Yep, I sure would.
See, here's my take on it.
I would love to have a relationship with someone whom I would NOT have to devote a lot of time to, well, because I tend to be a loner, and I have pissed off TWO husbands who don't understand that I like to spend a lot of time alone not b/c I don't like THEM, but b/c I am just a loner by nature.
Hey - thanks Phoenix !
This is great. Glad you decided to move out of the lurkers corner
So maybe you have shared something important with us. It seem, at least in your case, a strong sense of independence (as contrasted to dependence?) has given you the right situation to consider things with an open mind. You're not necessarily looking to get into a relationship that follows what most might consider 'convention'. You're also honest with yourself about not bringing to the table what maybe a majority might be expecting. (you mentioned a lot of sex and time in this category).
So it makes me wonder if there's otherwise some internal conflicts with many others. I think everyone has a desire to have (and embrace) at least a certain amount of independence - even in the framework of a relationship. But yet, particularly in a mono relationship, it's customary to give up a certain amount (in some cases a lot) of that independence.
Now it seems that for anyone who places considerable value on independence, at least weighing the options of poly would make sense ?
But that doesn't seem to happen.............i.e. the point of this thread.
Nice to hear from your perspective ! Thanks again.