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Old 09-26-2010, 03:34 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

I do think people tend to be more mono or more poly, although some people could go either way too.

If you are mono, you can still have a mono/poly relationship. About the jealousy, I haven't felt it, when I came out to my husband I told him I definitely wanted him to be free to have other relationships, too, and when I tried to think about it, I really thought I would be jealous to some extent and have to work on it.
When he developed and interest in someone, told me about her, invited her for supper and everything, though, I wasn't jealous at all! I think it helps when there is a face and a name, but I also mostly think in my case, seeing him so happy just made it impossible for me to be upset about that.
I'm not sure if because I am poly I react better to it though: since I've experienced it before, it's easier for me to understand that he loves me just as much if not more when he meets someone else, because I've felt it myself.

As to whether you're mono or poly... I knew I was poly, because I guess I always had been like that and I could feel it. But still, I was with my husband monogamously for five years, simply because I never met anyone I was interested in. It's possible that you are like me. The way I work isn't to look for a relationship and find someone who would be a good fit. I meet someone and then feel like I want a relationship with them in particular.
If you work like me, forcing it just wouldn't work. Dating just doesn't work for me at all (as in dating sites, getting introduced by friends, etc) because it puts me in a different state of mind, and I need to be in a regular state of mind, just meeting the person normally, for things to develop.

You might be mono too, though. If that's the case, you can still have a mono/poly relationship, but it can be hard. It might be hard for him if he feels you're getting the short end and it makes him feel like a jerk. It might be hard for you if you feel like you're getting the short end, too. It's workable but harder.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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