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Old 09-26-2010, 03:25 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 833

Hello and welcome.

Originally Posted by Coralinthium View Post
I was wondering:

*If you were already with someone, how did you approach them with the polyamory subject? If instead you were single but got into a poly, how did you get into said relationship?
I got lucky. My secondary (Possibility in other posts of mine) already had two primaries so we didn't have to have that discussion.

*Which seems to work better: a poly where it's closed between a certain amount of people, or more of an open relationship that has ground rules set down? Or do they work about the same?
You'll hear this a lot but it really depends on the people involved in the relationships. One commonality, though, is that ground rules or boundaries should be set. You can think of them as guidelines. You each know what the others expect ahead of time so there aren't any unpleasant, or fewer unpleasant, surprises down the road.

*Are there actually any "closed" polyamorous relationships where it's an MMF/MFM/etc. where the guys are bisexual? Or does it seem to work better with a guy and two females?
I'm sure there are closed triads like that but I haven't been knowingly exposed to them. Possibility is in an MFM open relationship and is bisexual.

*How different is a poly from a mono relationship? How similar?
There are a lot of similarities actually. All relationships need communication, trust....sorry, phone rang & lost my train of thought.

The differences can be dramatic, especially when viewing them from the monogamous mindset. More than one lover is the most dramatic difference.

In a poly relationship you have to deal with things like jealousy a lot more often than otherwise (unless you have a very possessive monogamous partner).

Opening your heart, mind and life to the possibilities in a polyamorous relationship can be the most difficult thing to do but it can also be the most life altering & freeing experience of your life. I have never been happier than I have been since I started dating Breathes (primary partner). I thought I couldn't be any happier until I added Possibility, and his family, to my life. It kind of makes me wonder what would happen if I were to add someone else to my life!

*Any tips/tricks/advice on how to keep one long lasting?
Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!! If there's a small problem talk about it before it turns into a big problem which can turn into a bigger problem, ballooning until it's no longer recognizable as the little problem it started out as.

Active listening. Give your partner your undivided attention when you talk with them. Look them in the eye, let them know you're listening to them and actually hearing what they are saying. If you're unclear on something ASK them. If you're hearing one thing but think they mean something else ask them if what you are hearing is what they mean.

If my questions seem more like their leaning towards a "closed" relationship instead of an "open" one, it's just what I've felt I would be more comfortable with, but I'm not above learning about open relationships as well. This is all I can think of for now, and I'm sorry if I seem ignorant about polyamory. I've just never actually found a place where people can give advice and help out before, since for some reason I kept thinking that I would just get information sites and would be unable to find help from those who are/were in a poly. Also, if this is in the wrong forum, please forgive me for that. Thanks for your time.
You are most definitely in the right place .

I can give links to other sites, etc. if that's what you want, most people here can, lol.

You might want to do a site search for anything specific you might have a question about.
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