I'm not sure where I come down on this field of discussion, but if there's one thing that's clear to me from reading everything people write on the polysubject here and elsewhere, it's that there is no "we" except in the sense of "we all want/choose to live by a different model from the prevailing one". As an ex-jew, ex-'gay', ex-We-The Buddhists, I'm very wary of setting up a collection of individuals as a group that then spends a lot of its time arguing within itself about what its parameters are.
I don't think I want to 'come out as a polyamorist', I just want to come out of the monogamy/promiscuity/celibacy perceptual trap, outside of which just about anything is possible. I feel it would be more valuable to show the general public the vista of possibility rather than to focus on definitions - and I have no idea how to do that, except by (as has been said in a few FAQs I've read) answering people's questions and criticisms outside of their own limited terms. It's like when I lived in a retreat centre for men, and people (especially women) would ask "Why is it only for men?" and I found the best possible answer was "Why not?"
So I do know where I stand - I'm afraid of reducing polyamory from a state of unlimited possibilty to A Stance. "We, the Polyamorists, demand..." shudder...
My opinion. Pinch of salt.