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Old 09-25-2010, 01:47 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373

So what is the plan for the future regardless of all the conceptual poly talk? Are you to be moving to his location. He to move to where you are? Or will you both be moving to a new place together?

I ask because my SO and I spent almost a year in a LDR after we met in my hometown and dated for a year. I had never been in a LDR before simply because I had seen friends go through it and crash and burn for the suspicion of infidelity and/or real infidelity.

In discussing my concerns for a LDR, I told him I didn't want any pledges to remain faithful. I decided that he just WOULD sleep with others and maybe I would too. I told him that when the time came for the distance to be eliminated, we would just assess if we still had love for each other despite knowing either or both of us might have been with someone else. I felt I would rather focus on that than wonder about hidden nights of having a one off and keeping it a secret.

In the end, neither of us remained faithful, but the compatibility and love was still there. My only real concern in moving to where he had moved was the impression my absence might give to anyone he had been with. Would they have regard for me and my position in his life after having had him to themselves and me being this idea akin to "my GF, you wouldn't know her; she lives in Canada and I met her at Niagra Falls"?

It became very important to me that they at least knew I existed and that what they were entering into with him might very well be a short lived thing. In the end, I never met a single one. He had two ONSs and one several months situation where she tried to lasso him away; he declined and she dropped him and the subject. I was never in the position to worry or fret while it was happening because I didn't know the dynamic while it was happening. He wanted me here and protected that option for us.
I had a few months situation on my end and was very up front about the fact that I would be moving away. The guy I was seeing, after two months, admitted that he had designs on changing my mind from go. I stopped seeing him once I knew his intentions.

All in all, it was good practice for seeing that sex won't sustain or kill a real connection if the compatibility and emotions are genuine. And hey - if they are not real, you didn't loose anything that was ever going to be right for you in the first place.
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