I was hurt, I felt betrayed by my mother, things were getting better for me, and I was beginning to make sense of what I needed then it all came crashing down around me again. At that point I once again began to think I was crazy, that something was wrong with and considered counseling, but then I realized a counselor (unless they were poly) would only tell me how wrong I was and that I should only love one man, and I knew that wasn't what I needed. So I began to look up poly online and see if I couldn’t' find any groups or info boards in my area. I felt that if I met people who were poly and felt as I did that it would better help me to understand and accept the poly part of myself and accept that there is not anything wrong with me.
As luck would have it I found a discussion group that was meeting on Sept 24, it was only a day or so away. I decided to go to it and told John, who encouraged me to go. So I went, and that was last night, and I am SO glad I did. When I arrived I was emotional and felt very awkward, however the people I met there were wonderful and could relate to my situation well. They embraced me and listened to me, and by the end of the night I no longer felt alone in my home town. Those of you who are on these boards that attended that group, THANK YOU, so much for making me feel welcome and for your compassion and understanding. I really felt like I was where I belongs, and among friends.
I will continue to go to this group in the future and know it will help me in my healing. As for my situation with Bob....I am at an impasse. Since I initially told him about my poly self, when I called off our marriage, he has not made any mention about it at all. I get the feeling he thinks I will grow out of it, or that it's just a phase, but given my history and knowing my own heart, I know it is now. It is something I need to tell him about again, and to discuss with him. There are two ways that it can go, either he won't be able to embrace me fully for what I am and there will be some rough closure, or we can rebuild and I can still have both men I love in my life, which is what I most want for this outcome. I am still rather fragile at this point though and still insecure about being poly a bit, but I feel I am now on the right track. I do not know when I will feel comfortable or when the right time for me will be to tell Bob about poly me once more, but I know I should not wait too much longer to do so. I really want to know more about poly-life and know the terms and such so that when I do tell him I can do so with confidence and understanding of myself. I hope that in having a blog here I will get some feedback (and I will TRY and post updates as I go along), and support, and by having a community I belong to now where I have support physically present, that it will make things easier and that the time will come to tell Bob sooner rather than later.
Sorry this is such along first entry, but there was alot to tell, and future entries should be shorter with all this explained.