Help please, I'm having a hard time swallowing poly
Hi guys, I'm an unwilling newbie. I'm really, really, trying to figure out poly and whether I can accept it. Right now, it makes me feel rather queasy. It's really the interest of my semi-boyfriend. He tells me that he is naturally mono but likes shaping his personality into better forms, and that he is interested in conquering his jealousy and developing rewarding relationships with more than one person. This all sounds great on paper, but when he talks about girls who interest him, I just get this awful feeling in my stomach, and worse, do not want to talk about it.
He tells me that I come before poly, and that if I don't want him to pursue it he won't. He has been amazing so far, and I don't want to force him to give up on something like this that really interests him. I want to either see if I would enjoy having multiple partners myself, or whether I could tolerate (and even be happy about) his having other partners.
Here's part of the situation: we're long distance right now. I could sleep with/have relationships with other people, but I simply don't want to. He probably would if he could, but he is not in a position to where he is right now. All we've talked about with poly has been purely speculative. I think it would be different if I were friends with and liked the girls he was interested in, but right now they are a big scary mystery bag, and the concept of ploy is just a concept.
This is really, really bothering me. I'm fighting every urge to run and hide and not deal with these feelings. But I really care about him and want him to be happy.
If you have any advice, please help. Thanks!