We used to have a one penis policy in our household. I am selectively bi-sexual so this wasn't a particularly big issue, at least until I wasn't finding anyone else to date who was interesting/interested in me & was relatively drama free.
I wasn't particularly worried about it because I was quite happy, for the most part, with having Breathes as my only partner. I didn't think I could be happier.
I have since learned how wrong I was, I could be happier.
A couple or three years ago Possibility asked me if I would consider being his tertiary. I discussed it with Breathes. He had some initial concerns centering around sexual health (Possibility is a bi-sexual male) but agreed on principal.
After discussing Breathes' concerns with Possibility he understood & took the steps to get testing done as well as doctor visits, etc. While waiting for results to come back we proceeded in getting to know each other better. We cuddled & watch movies, talked, cuddled some more, took some breaks for non-relationship issues & have come through even stronger and better friends.
We still haven't had sex but, ya know what? That's ok. Sex isn't the be all & end all of MY relationships. There's so much more to them. There's the friendship first and foremost. If I can't be friends with my lovers, have fun with them outside the bedroom, then what do I have? A loveless, friendshipless acquaintance, that's all.
Yes, sex is fun & interesting & a great stress reliever (THAT'S what I need to relieve this work stress! SEX! lol) but we have so much more together! Breathes & I, Possibility & I, Possibility's Primary partners & I, his kids & I (their faces light up when I walk in (they're nearly 4 & 14 mos)), Possibility & Breathes, Possibility's other partners & I (haven't met them yet, hopefully in June).....we're a big family who just happen to have different residences. Possibility, his primary partners & Breathes all play D&D together for peats sake, lol. They get along really well, for which I will be eternally grateful. I don't know how I would be able to handle it if they didn't get along.
I am slowly getting to the point where I can open my heart, not just my head, to him. It took me nearly three years to tell Breathes that I love him. I've been burned before & I guess I'm a *wee* (sarcasm implied) bit superstitious. My head tells me that once I admit to someone that I love them the relationship starts turning sour & eventually ends painfully. I know it doesn't really work that way but sometimes I just can't dial down my brain & follow my heart.
I sometimes feel guilty that I can't tell Possibility that I love him. I do & that love is growing bit by bit. I have explained to him why I can't say it yet & he's ok with that. He tells me that he loves me quite often & doesn't expect to hear it in return. I will be very happy the day I can admit it to him though. That will be one more barrier out of the way.
Possibility is VERY understanding. Even after he messed up, nearly ending things between us, he gave me the space I needed to come to terms & forgive. He didn't push things. I'd get the occasional hello but nothing overt or pushy or anything. Even when I eventually initiated contact again he didn't push, he let me take things at a speed I was comfortable with. I was super cautious which meant super slow (a snail would have reached the same conclusions quicker, lol) he was great about it. He didn't push for cuddles or hugs or kisses or anything. He was just.....there......an island in the middle of a turbulent ocean.....waiting for me to reach a place where I could go a little further & a little further & a little further until now where we are comfortable (maybe it's I'm comfortable) giving hugs & kisses in front of our partners, being semi-nude, together or singly. We are just able to be with each other. Be our individual selves & as a couple.
How did I get so lucky as to have two of the most wonderful men on the face of the earth in my life?