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Old 09-24-2010, 09:07 AM
nto nto is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 10
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I have talked to them about it. The problem that I am running into as I think more about it (Everyone's given me so much to think about) is that I am not allowing myself a choice. I know it bothers me some in itself. But it's amplified by the fact that I have to tolerate it. I can't in all fairness say "Nope. I am vetoing all men." And since I can't, I HAVE to deal with it. Whether I like it or not. I have to force myself to be ok, because to do otherwise is unfair. I have backed myself into a corner, which causes anxiety attacks in me.

As for what I need to hear... "Nevermind." Which really isn't fair to ask. The hostility and anxiety and rage doesn't go away from much else. I know it's probably a leftover from the traditional mono mindset, but what do I do with it? I am too angry to be calmed by much else. It doesn't do a lot of good to be hugged, or told that I am loved when I feel sick and am clenching and unclenching my fists. There's not a lot that helps when an anxiety attack is full on screaming in my brain short of removing the cause. Which doesn't help me learn to deal with it.
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