Originally Posted by Calisolara
My husband got home and things stayed the same for the first two weeks and then over night I started getting fewer texts. Itís been this way for two weeks. I am very unhappy with the lack of communication. I feel like there is so much distance in our communication and it felt like we were so close. He still initiates texts, saying good morning almost every day. If he doesn't say good morning to me I don't text him until he says something to me. Eventually he always so far does say something to get my attention. Today it was a random "rawr". I asked him if there was something wrong, or if he was interested in someone and putting that attention there. He said no.. the he is a person that whatever is in his face he pays attention to and I am far away. He said itís hard to maintain a long distance relationship and they never work. He said he promised me that he would tell me if he started dating anyone else and that hasn't changed
Distance is tough, I am in a new long distance relationship and it can be interesting to say the least. My experience has its own mileage so usage may vary.
1 - throw out everything you know about relationships. The ideal of date, fuck, date, make love, date, in relationship...or however yours would be designed is out the window. You have to take any and all stages you can, when they come.
2 - keep in touch in ways that you can. Texting is fine, but impersonal. I personally need to talk or see my gf often. We try NOT to do pre-prescribed times as they tend not to work. She and I both have lives so we do things with a little bit of flare. We do try to talk once a day, because we are at a stage where our relationship has really jumpstarted but distance puts things like that on hold. We need time to touch, feel and connect...but can't. Time online helps us immensely.
3 - throw out relationship expectations when it comes to time touching etc. Spouses around, kids, work etc. You may want, when in the same vicinity, to completely be absorbed in your partner. But that fire will be noticed by people around you. Regardless how comfortable someone is, that may burn a little bright sometimes.
4 - this one is odd to say early in a relationship. But having the goal/potential of living close together at some point is important. As long as everyone realizes this isn't an expectation, if there is a chance that someday it may not be LD, thats an important mental roadblock.
5 - you have to find ways to make your connection more personal and intimate without the ability to touch. No one can tell you how to do it.
I refuse to believe they don't work now. I have learned a lot in the last 5 months or so. I was right there with your potential partner. But I have changed my tune. I fell in love online and ld, and it has as much potential as any other. It does take work, and different kinds of work than a regular relationship.
As for him getting cold. He could be protecting himself. If he puts himself out there to far and the distance is the reason it fails, it will hurt and prove his point. He is likely widthdrawing to protect what he has from being hurt by the husband coming home and the distance.
Maybe you need to get him on the horn and discuss, in detail. If you find you have a hard time organizing thoughts, write them out. You have to be confident you wont scare him away and be comfortable with the fact he may never be comfortable with a poly LD relationship. But it would be better to know for sure instead of guessing
Your friend may need to re-examine the potential in a LD...keeping in mind I am married, so physical needs of a relationship to some degree are always fullfilled. If I were single I would have a difficult time with a committed LD relationship. But when I am single, I am very mobile, if the relationship looks good to me, I would just pick up and move. I am not tied to any location past "must live near mountains"...