He loves her, but I don't like her... now what?
My boyfriend (B) is Poly and I am Mono, he accepted that he was Poly just after we started dating and so we have been learning what it means to be in a Poly relationship together and while we have hit a few bumps along the way, all in all things have been going extremely smoothly. That is up in till recently. He became friends with another woman (J). She had feelings for him right off the bat, he however did not know how he felt about her. After much discussion between B and I, I told him that I was not ok with him perusing a romantic relationship with her, but I was still ok with them being friends. This however was clarified after B and J slept together, without my knowing or my consent. I didn't find out about then having had slept together until almost five months later. B and I then had many things to try and work through. We talked A LOT and we both knew that we wanted to try and work through this and save our relationship. B had not seen nor talked to J for almost three months after I found out about the indiscretion.
Once school started back up (B, J, and I are all attending the same university) I told B that I was not comfortable with him and J hanging out by them selves but I wouldn't ask him to not see her all together nor would I ask him to stop being friends with her. That goes against everything I stand for and believe in. It has not been easy for me to see J around campus (we work together and we are part of the same organization). I tried to be civil and polite to her but it just got to the point that when ever I saw her it just hurt to much so I am now to the point that when I see here out side of our shared obligations (work and club) I choose not to interact with her. I know this sounds childish but I am still hurt and when I look at her I see them being together.
I digress, since they were still friends and still able to be around each other B has come to me and has told me that he loves J. This is where I am totally at a loss. I don't know if I can be ok with him being in a relationship with her. Now before you even ask we have already been in a relationship where he was seeing me and someone (M) else and that was working until M realized that she needed more than what B and I could give her. So I know I can share B with another woman, I just don't know if I can share him with J.
In my heart I know I have to give him the chance to pursue a relationship with J or there is a strong chance the he will resent me for it in the long run, but I also know that if I don't give him that chance then I might resent my self too. But B and I always saw us being with another as a unit (one relationship amongst three people) and not two separate relationships but I don't know how I can have a relationship with her.
Has anyone been in a comparable situation who might have some advice for me? I am so confused.
I will clarify anything that might need clarification.
It is what it is.... or is it?