Originally Posted by Tonberry
.Now if either one had a secret, I wouldn't share it with the other without their consent. But I tend to like the idea that I don't have to hide things from them.
I think this is an important thing to remember. You sharing YOUR "stuff" with either of them is YOUR choice. You also recognize that you sharing THEIR "stuff" is up to them as individuals as to the pertinence of their intimacies being shared with another. Whether you are a primary or a secondary or a tertiary, if you intimate something to your lover that is not for his/her OSO's knowledge, then that should be respected, not subject to discussion or some far-reaching "boundary" set by the OSO. There is a level of trust that should not be breached. An OSO should have no say over another OSO's sharing with a lover- it is important that each relationship have its own independence. That is just a little too controlling in my opinion. I agree that openness in a relationship is paramount, but that does not include me HAVING to know every exchange or "secret" my lover's spouse has shared with him, and vice-versa. Unless it directly impacts me then that would be an invasion of privacy.