Originally Posted by Calisolara
a symptom of my husband coming home and jealous
I think it's this... has he met your husband? That might help. Sometimes it makes it very clear if someone is seriously consider having a poly relationship with you. It sounds like he is used to monogamy and thinks of you as cheating on your husband. If he could see that it's possible and that you are serious, maybe that is all it would take to help him decide one way or the other...
He might not want to be involved again and realizes he doesn't have to if you are far away. It could also be that his desire has worn off and he realizes there isn't much left, especially that you are far away.
It's hard to say until you talk to him about it all. Be honest and respectful and start the ball rolling. It sounds like that might be coming up. Good luck.