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Old 09-22-2010, 03:18 AM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Default Something drew us together while push my friend and I apart

So tonight I told a close friend about my poly relationship, honestly thinking that I had before and she would be accepting...the background being she 'had been bi' and had a child out of wedlock, and finally married her 5th fiancée...no judgments here, those are the facts....

that being said I told her, and using advice from Mono and others I used language that she might understand rather than explain a poly relationship. Didn't quite work out so well...The argument was quite hostile. She went off about the sanctity of marriage, and why bother getting married if you are just going to $&#* someone else. I did my best to explain that poly wasn't just about the physical..it didn't take...stubborn impudence...She had the gall to discuss the sanctity of marriage when her own husband had to trick her into spending time with his family...a dick move on his part, but what husband does that...and what does it say about their marriage (I didn't tell her all that part)

then she went off about kids and telling our hypothetical, as yet unborn but not unnamed kids kids about poly:

"Good luck explaining that to your children one day. Oh yes we're married...mommy just has a bf and that's ok." to which I replied "Yes. It's done. I've spent time on a forum () reading about people married, with children and in relationships"

she went off again about that not *#&%ing up a child. I told her it would be no more traumatizing than a divorce, a loveless marriage, or an abusive home...still not through to her...and then she abruptly ended the conversation because it was 'pissing her off'...

now to her credit she ended it before she got worked up enough to pick a fight, because I generally don't like to pull punches and if I am going to have to deal with personal attacks I like to end it in a solid decimating volley of personal attacks rather than dole out jabs...just a personality flaw I guess....

This whole thing really pissed me off, not that she was reacting the way she was, but my expectations of her reactions had been different...I have taken the optimistic path (fighting the cynic in me) and said she will come around.

Ultimately I am looking at this whole thing as being a bit of a learning experience for TP and I. We've had many 'coming out' conversations, most positive, but I guess dealing with a negative conversation with a friendship that has been on the decline, and 'final nail in the coffin" as TP said, is good prep (no better words come to mind) in case of negative conversations in the future with more important people...I resisted the urge to be a champion of Poly...instead just tried to get the idea that I am happy with this across...I also resisted the urge to tell her to get off her high horse and smell the bullshit she's shovelling....

oh! and the best was her trying to explain to me that if I was in a poly relationship I couldn't live in Canada as it's Polygamy and adultery is illegal. I had to hold off cutting her down a notch, and just pointed out that polygamy is marrying multiple spouses and that adultery isn't illegal but won't do anyone any favours in a divorce...Is it adultery if we are both having it, know about the other's adultery and fully endorse it?....

IM
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
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