Originally Posted by figuringitout
and now after taking some time to sit with the responses, I think I can respond more clearly.
thanks for the blunt comments. I think the reasons I am not leaving are:
1. I do care for him and he doesn't want our relationship to end, and I don't want to hurt him more than he is already hurting.
2. The fact that we have a child together. Our daughter means the world to both of us and I don't want to destroy their relationship.
3. I feel like it would be such a disappointment to so many people who know and love us and our relationship (stupid reason, huh?).
4. I'm scared that this is all NRE and then I will regret it later.
I do think that I still love him, but I'm struggling with whether I love him as a friend or more than that. It is hard to just sit and wait because of lots of factors, but primarily because I want to see where the other relationship is going. I want to give it everything I have, I want to let myself submerge in it, and I can't do that now. I do know that that is probably NRE talking, but it's strong and deep and hard. The connection I feel with this other man is beyond anything I have ever felt and I hate not being able to let it run its course. I am finding myself resentful of the time I have set aside for my DH, and I don't like feeling that way. Is all of this normal? help.
Thank you for your honesty and making yourself vulnerable in talking about this. I went through the same thing almost identically. I would have that same list you do and wonder the same things sometimes. I don't so much now after 20 months and 18 months writing on here. I have taken the time, which is why I suggest it... it's still in the works. I still struggle with what the heck I am doing and what it all means... now though I leave it alone and check in with myself about my "love" meter where PN is concerned. I really sit and look at him, feel his presence and decide the same thing every time. I love him. Whatever that means I do...
I understand entirely the feels you feel for your boyfriend. You are not alone in this. Any of it. Take refuge in that and take a breath. All will be revealed if you allow some space for it I think.
Originally Posted by SNeacail
If you truely want to stay married, I think you need to work on making that relationship the best it can be.
I agree with this wholeheartedly... I can't tell you how much it has helped to put myself out there for PN by addressing his needs. Sometimes its been the last thing I have wanted to do, but I have and did and it's better because of it. My time with him is better, my time with Mono is better and I feel good about myself and what I have given to create harmony. I am in this NRE, not PN, it isn't fair to him that I simply push him and years of us being together aside because of my passion for others. It became more tricky when Derby became my girlfriend and we haven't really sunken into what that all means yet. I have been too busy dealing with other issues... one thing at a time and all in good time.