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Old 09-21-2010, 09:10 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by polyexplorer View Post
I agree that there is usually something underneath the jealousy and getting to the real reason behind it is what needs to be worked through...

It is such a major shift in thinking for me too having always assumed that mono is really the only appropriate long-term relationship. It is a huge jump for me to get my head around poly being OK, so how much harder must it be for my wife!
Very good insight I think...

jealousy is tricky. It would be a valuable exercise I would think to sit down with her and get at the root of what that is for her. For me it means that I have an unmet need. "I want to feel like I am number one," "I want to have more intimacy," "I want more crazy sex," "I need to work out more," "I need your undivided attention"... who knows what it is for her. If you know then you can do something about it before even starting to embark on taking on another that has complicated needs... believe me, it's a juggling act.

There is no having ones cake and eating it too... other than extra love and support, really, the amount of work, especially at the beginning of poly relationships is phenomenal. That's why I always remind that there is time and one should take time. Sometimes it is completely overwhelming to have to juggle peoples shit as well as our own...why rush to sort it out, often things get missed. I would think getting your ducks in a row with your wife and her needs would fair you well when and if you start another relationship with this other person.

@tonberry, I like the friends bit better I think, yet I do friendships sometimes like I do romantic relationships, that might be why it works for me
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